Politics

Pulitzer Prize Parody Nominations: Litter Box Class, Hall of Fame Masks, and Quebecois Gasps

Our weekly recognition of less-than-meritorious excellence in journalism is worthy of Pulitzer Prize consideration.

As an extension of the media-mocking venture at Townhall, Riffed From The Headlines, we once again recognize the exalted performances in our journalism industry and compile worthy submissions to the Pulitzer Prize board in numerous categories. To properly recognize the low watermark in the press, let us get right to the latest exemplars of journalistic mis-excellence.

Distinguished International Reporting

  • Josh Freed — Montreal Gazette

Freed made a foray into the COVID hellscape that is the state of Florida. He reported bravely from the frontlines about the horrors he encountered, from citizens brazenly going about their lives to people having a cavalier attitude towards mask adherence. Local news was inappropriately blase’ about the pandemic, and he even witnessed a gasp-inducing episode of a restaurant patron who stood to leave…and he shook the hand of his waiter!!!

This hysterical dispatch lost all of its gravity with Freed’s opening admission. He was not sent to Florida on assignment and did not venture into the jungles of freedom to file an undercover report. As he put it, he was fleeing the oppressive mandates of Canada, only to be upset that this state was not engaging in the very same levels of oppression he cowardly ran away from.

“I have a confession to make: I recently fled Quebec for a week, a refugee from Legault’s 2.0 curfew-and-confinement rules.”

 

Distinguished Sports Reporting

  • Major League Baseball Hall Of Fame

This week, Major League Baseball raised some eyebrows with the announcement that only one person was named into the Hall this year: David Ortiz. There was all the annual griping heard about who was not included, like Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, etc. because of alleged steroid use. Meanwhile, the player who had a middling career and could not play a field position, but overnight became a homerun machine, was voted in unchecked.

As an example of just how ridiculous and political the MLB HOF has become, former player Lenny Dykstra provided this reminder of the standards to gain entry into The Hall.

 

Distinguished Cultural Criticism

  • Liam Kelly — The Times UK

One of the downsides of our current cultural miasma is that we have such a thing as celebrity chefs. Jamie Oliver is one such noshing notable and he apparently has a cookbook coming out. I can say for certain I will not be purchasing his culinary tome, based on the fact that he details how he has hired experts to help him avoid cultural appropriation with his food offerings.

This will make fusion cooking extremely difficult. Dubbed ‘offense advisors,’ what these professional cranks do is… I don’t know, tell him what not to cook, or such. I could not read past this segment of the article, as it was clearly written for the meek and timid.

 

Distinguished International Reporting

  • Samantha Ibrahim — New York Post

Minnie Mouse is getting a makeover of sorts. For the Euro-Disney 30th anniversary, the beloved cartoon character has had her wardrobe redesigned by British fashion designer Stella McCartney. The new look is a blue and dark blue pantsuit that does not at all look like pajamas.

Minnie Mouse is reclaiming her power in a Stella McCartney power suit. Stella McCartney has designed Minnie Mouse’s very first pantsuit, and it’s gorgeous. “This new take on her signature polka dots makes Minnie Mouse a symbol of progress for a new generation,” she explained. “She will wear it in honor of Women’s History Month in March 2022.

Distinguished Investigative Reporting

  • Isabella Grullon Paz — New York Times

You would think that this would be the kind of story that would cause any number of people to hit the PAUSE button and take a breath, thinking things through. Instead, enough had to play out for it to rise to the level of a national paper to report on its ridiculousness.

It started with a comment at a school board meeting, which was later amplified by a Michigan state Republican leader, and culminated with a school superintendent explaining that, no, there were no litter boxes on school grounds for students to use if they identified as ”furries’.’ 

Distinguished Coverage Of Frozen Desserts

  • Josh Boak — Associated Press

The AP’s White House reporter Josh Boak was on the case of Joe Biden’s bustling schedule. On Monday, Jen Psaki attempted to explain how President Soft-Serve was spending his day in meetings and such, except he was out shopping and then called a lid on his day after 3 pm. And, of course, he had time to stop for ice cream, and Boak was there to report on it.

After receiving quite his share of blowback for this wildly intrepid dose of reporting, Josh boldly lectured that there was a more valid story for people to concern themselves with. It was lost on Mr. Boak that if there was a report that he felt people “should be reading,” then it should have been a report he should be tweeting in the first place.




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